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Hidden Cat Agenda

2012-04-19
Tags: cats (5)

Cat people,

When you sleep, your cats are waiting for you to die so they may eat you. When a cat person dies, it is eaten by its cats; when a dog person dies, its dogs will starve to death in the same room as its corpse (except for chihuahuas, those things are rats). Its called loyalty, cats don't have it. So cat people, consider yourselves warned!

KTHXBAI

I don't know why people keep cats. They're physically incapable of being useful. I hear the person out there who's yelling, "but I have mice!!!" into their emotionless monitor. Well yelling person, guess what. YOU STILL HAVE MICE, and now a cat as well.

After saying all this, I like cats. I get why people like them: Their fickle emotions and tendency to obviously ignore us is the same type of psychological abuse that sometimes keeps perfectly nice people in relationships with assholes.