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Rain City Dry Spells: Ovarometer

2011-10-12

I have a very active imagination. Sometimes, my mind's eye pictures a little heads-up display (HUD), giving me stats for whatever my current state is. For instance today's comic shows a HUD displaying the excitement level of a hypothetical pair of ovaries.

Beyond the HUD, I often imagine ovaries having voices. In the back of my head, while I sit next to some girl, I can hear them critiquing me in a gruff experienced voice. "Oh, that was a dumb thing to say," they'll blurt as she sips her drink silently. Or "What a noob. Lady, make him buy you another drink while you flirt with that guy over there."

Ovaries aren't just negative. I hear my date's ovaries when the date is going well, too. I recently watched The Hunt For Red October (a submarine movie I highly recommend), so favorable ovaries sound like Sean Connery. They say things like, "Load tubesh one and two" and even "flood the tubesh, prepare to fire!", or simply "prepare to dive". The more controlling ovaries will utter things like "Shnuggle five degreesh port on my mark. Brace for impact!"

Sometimes, imagining myself as a young Alec Baldwin crawling through the missile bay of the Red October, I want to mock Sean Connery Ovaries' cautionary words, "Some thinsh in here that don't react too well to semen."

A sound clip of the original quote...